Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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