i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
