you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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