it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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