i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
