i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
