No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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