He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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