i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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