Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
