I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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