Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
