Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
