Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
