I got chris browned last night
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
