My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
