Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
