So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
