ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
