Welp...herpes.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
