Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
