this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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