I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
