State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
