Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
