wanna go halves on a baby?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
