anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
