My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
false alarm. still invincible.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
