I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
