bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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