but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It was confusing and full of hummus
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
