Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
