well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize