I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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