She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
nutella sex= disaster
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
