Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
