He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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