you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
