It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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