Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
