My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
