I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
