there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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