yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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