I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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