i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
