It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
