Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
