oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
