An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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