We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
