Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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