Plan B is the new Plan A
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
