farters have to be the big spoon...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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