ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
