I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
