I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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