I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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