she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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