You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
