This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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