look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
