the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
