He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
