i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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