You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
