So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
