a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
