You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
