some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Barsexuality is the new black.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
