I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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