it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
