Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
As shirtless as possible
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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