Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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